Singapore - you hurt me always

 This has been a year of hectic travels for me. I do not recall having to travel so much in the past. immediately after the US trip, I travelled to Bangalore for a summit. I was still jet lagged when i made that trip and i can assure you that I have not been more disoriented in my life before. 

I am now in Singapore for an APAC summit. In a moment of mad inspiration [or not sure what had got into me] I planned this trip with my mother and sister. I have regrets a plenty. the most important one being that I had to leave Nyra with Nikhil to accommodate few extra days of travel with them. 

Singapore was such a reality check. I had been swayed by my foolishness and naivety to think that all of my childhood experiences with my mom would not be repeated. So to imagine that it happened in Singapore, during s supposedly holiday with mom and my sis post an office offsite, is a shock that I am still reeling from.

Immediately after the excitement of being in Singapore died down, i could sense a weird tension with mom. Like always i knew it had been building up from her side. And the showdown with Fittu a couple of days before our departure did not help. Once again I found myself walking on egg shells around her. Every now and then there were offhanded comments flying, which would take me aback and challenge a reaction from me. 

While I could escape on the first few days when I was at work, the reunion didn’t bode well. Once the snide remarks started piling up, I couldn’t resist a retort on it. I found myself reduced to my first memories with my mother - as an abandoned 4-5years old kid waiting for mother to give some attention. How pathetic is it that that’s my first memory of childhood and my mother. Would it have been asking for too much to show some love to a young kid?

And how is it that it still hurts so much! Mom’s behaviour triggered so many childhood memories, that it became overwhelming to be around her. Strange that a five year old’s memory is no different from a forty something’s experience today. Will this ever stop? Will i ever find myself outside the dark washroom that I would be locked into by mother for refusing to eat food that I did not like?

What parenting allows you to scar a child emotionally like that? And who will come to protect a helpless child from the atrocities of their own parents?

The Summer of our US trip & more -Part 2

( I am typing this out on my brand new iPad keyboard [white], newly purchased from NY. Oh the joys of typing…)

Post a brief reunion with didi and jeeju, I set about [with much anxiety] for ATlanta, where our team summit was planned. That flight from Tampa to Atlanta, must have been the worst flight of my life. I got a seat right next to the washroom on the last row of the plane. Throughout the plane ride, the washroom stank. I don’t recall a moment in recent times where i have felt so compromised and wretched. Through that flight of an hour & more I promised myself that never in my life will I allow myself to experience something like this again. 

Atlanta was good, and I had great fun meeting my team there. The long travels from India to Orlando, then Tampa to Atlanta had left me quite disoriented though. Nevertheless, I powered through it to make the most of the experience.

The real madness of the trip began once I returned from ATlanta, to be reunited with Nikhil & Nyra. The shopping missions that we embarked on, left us with a hole in a pocket but a sense of wonder at our own capacity to shop. Nikhil & Nyra were the surprise package- Nikhil shopping like never seen before & Nyra my doll helping mama and masi with makeup and perfume shopping. 

The last of the strip was a stop over in Manhattan. NY was a shock to our senses. It was everything that I had not expected. It was smelly, dirty, busy and overwhelming. Hanging out with Harsh became the highlight of the NY trip.

In all we concluded Nyra and my first US trip with a lot of fanfare and a while in the pocket.