Sunday 17 March 2024

The World is Waiting to be touched by your Unique Light, Nyra!!!

 My darling baby Nyra graduated from primary school last week. Time flies so fast!! Feels like it was just yesterday when she started school. 

Through these two years Nyra and I learnt so many new things together, most important of which was a lesson in processing our emotions. Nyra was so brave and embraced every challenge beautifully. I still remember how we had to work with her Base group teacher to identify her writing hand. Nyra being ambidextrous is capable of writing and colouring with both hands. But we had to consciously work with her to identify her dominant hand. 

In two years my baby grew from feeling different and feeling lonely in class to finding good friends as she graduates from primary school. There was a time when my baby felt really sad that she did not have good friends, (in school & society) many times I have chanted for her to have a break through in this (and I continue to chant for it) Today I am surprised to see how social she has become. We are now going to focus on ensuring healthy boundaries in friendships, which has become important for us to address given her ups & downs with Gurbani.  

Primary school was a revelation for us - Nyra surprised herself and us by her talent for colours and art. 

I hope my darling baby will continue to colour the world in the most beautiful hues and giving us a peek into her most amazing & kind self !! 

Nyra’s graduation card from Gunika Ma’am 







New Year, Same (New) Me

Happy 3rd month into 2024! 

Its amazing how every new year comes with a dash of hope- that things maybe different, or life may get  better - but all such disillusions are dashed swiftly within the first quarter, if not the first month! 

After the year we had last year, I honestly didn’t think that there could be a lower bar for rock bottom, and yet we see there is one actually!! 2024 has been super crazy from the start.

Even so, my big determination for the year has been to push myself like never before, to challenge myself like never before, to test my mettle and forge it! Oh but the journey of getting there is so difficult! I m in pain spiritually, emotionally & physically- is it the path of creative destruction? 

Earlier in Feb I created a structure for myself for a daily list of things I must ensure I complete, to help myself on this journey of forging:- 

Chanting  

Gosho study 

Breathing exercises 

Walk or workout 

Water intake 

Reading 

Diet 

This list keeps changing, based on my awareness of self & need of the hour. 

In a short time of one month I have def seen & felt tremendous benefit, nevermind the pain I feel . But I am also aware of how easy it is for me to get derailed from my identified structure on some days, specially when I am exhausted or have too many things going on my mind or when my mind, body & soul are not in sync  

Today I am reminding myself again, of the Samurai warrior within me, of the power & wisdom of my body and the limitless potential I have the ability to tap into. 

By posting it here, I hope to make myself more accountable towards my life goals- including my longest cherished goal of losing weight!  

Will keep going 💪🏻

Tuesday 26 December 2023

2023-you were so giving!

 Not sure if this is a common feeling or just unique to me, time is flying so fast! I feel like Nyra was born just yesterday and we already celebrated my doll’s 5th bday this year. We had a princess theme bday, an elaborate event at the Palms club. 

This year I have been blown away by the conversations that Nyra & I have been having- her gentle heart, loving & forgiving spirit and the pristine beauty is something that I, as the maker of the product, is most bowled over by! What a joy it’s been to chat with her specially during our morning & afternoon school runs! 

Don’t miss the princess look and vibe [&poses]. She is every bit it and some more. But what made mama’s day on her bday was her telling me end of the day that her bday party was even better than she had ever imagined! Mamas heart melted, i tell you.






If Nyra was a revelation this year, then so was work. What a year I have had. Nothing could have prepared me for the kind of year this turned out to be. I literally walked into the eye of a storm starting January this year. And thru it all, I am so proud that I held myself together, sometimes surprising even myself. I didn’t think I had this in me. The power of my gut was the most important revelation I had about myself this year. I don’t run from a fight!

The other revelation, though not a happy one, was that relationships come with baggage. Sometimes, one is happy to carry the baggage and sometimes it may be too much. The closer the relationship the more baggage it comes with. This year, I feel I had my fill of it and want no more. If its not making me happy then I will not devote my energy to it, period. 

How can any post be complete without a mention of my continued tryst with weight loss. Not sure if there is a theme more recurring than this. In 2023 I could finally find answers to what had led to the weight gain, PCOS, however, finding answer is not necessarily the end of it. I presumed that once my meds would start then Bam! I would be back to being myself. But well that was wishful thinking. So now i am on another new diet and struggling with not just physical appearance but physical health too. In 2024, i need this to change, if there was ever a cry for help then this is it!

2023, you made me a better mother, and a better professional; you have been kind with love of family, friends and peers. In 2024, i want to take all of this to the next level, reveal that fearless me ready to go into unchartered territories and to enjoy the ride!

Ciao 2023, you were so fun!


Monday 14 August 2023

My summer reading list

 While its common to hear of writer’s block, not sure if any one faces a readers’ block. In the ups and downs of life i often go thru phrases of reader’s block, and at best i am able to pick one or two book over a month. However, this summer [post made june] that changed, and how!

Books I read this summer [*missing, Lessons in Chemistry] 

By far this has been my most successful season of reading. Unfortunately, it had to come to an end at some point. I guess one reason for it is also because I haven’t found another good book to sink my teeth in. The hunt is on though. 
Amongst the summer reads, the one that I enjoyed the most would be Lessons in Chemistry . It had all the masala of a good read- drama, feminist woes, etc
But thee one that shocked me[rather spooked] was def Verity! What a find it turned out to be. That’s one unputdownable book. In terms of drama, i also loved The shadow lines and Independence. 
I am glad i laboured through ‘the Forty Rules of Love’ else I would have walked the earth not knowing the beauty of Rumi, what a tragedy that would be. 
Now i hope to broaden my reading sphere to pick some non fiction, and topical books. These are more laborious in nature, and not as fun. Be that as it may, reading has been my source of gaining knowledge and it’s about time i expanded the sphere. Fiction will always be my first love, but about time to spread this love!

The Patna Magic.

The summer of 2023 was supposed to be the magical one. Nikhil and I along with Aman & Sanju, had planned to make the most awaited Europe trip this summer. Oh how we planned and searched and dreamed about the most suitable route to take, the cities to cover, the flight options , the hotel stay. One particular Sunday evening, the four of us met at MGF mall Barista to go over Europe plans, even tolerating bad coffee for the sake of the larger mission.

Cut to June 2023, there was no further word on the holiday plans.  Absolute silence. I could see that my most cherished plans of taking time off post 16th June ( submission of key reports to RBI) were pretty much going to be reduced to some days off in Gurgaon, plonked in front of the TV.

So I did the next practical thing that I could think of  I booked tickets for Nyra, Nyra’s maid (B) and myself to travel to Patna for a 2 week stay!! Honestly I don’t know how I planned this but I knew I wanted to be physically away from Gurgaon  

My time in Patna from childhood has always been so painful that I often wondered would I ever come back here oft my own choice! And here I was doing exactly that! 

Everything aside (someday I may have the courage to share more ) the magic of Patna for me has been that it’s like coming back to my source code- the most unadulterated side of me. Patna is a package deal- the less good, more bad and even more ugly. Nevertheless, returning to it, willingly or not, always helped me to align my thoughts and intent- and to physically and emotionally will a future for myself, one that is successful and happy [the antithesis of how i mostly feel in Patna]. For the longest time and all through my growing up years, the strongest feeling I had in Patna was that of wanting to get out, at any cost. With marriage and motherhood, that yearning to get out is no longer there [maybe i did get out], but that raw feeling of wanting to create a future for myself is still there. 

I spent my days in Patna mulling over what this future for me should look like- a new role at work, or something more. While that clarity still evaded me, I did have an aha moment when hours of self reflection brought me to the realisation that my purpose in life is to Thrive! I feel this in every cell in my body. I can’t just exist- i need to thrive, no less.

There was this beautiful moment when i wanted to do more with ‘thrive’, write a book, start a blog, start a business- anything and everything seemed possible. Indeed when I am thriving success is just a byproduct. 

And that’s the Patna magic! Having a clarity of my purpose is like embracing a missing [&lost] part of me, and feeling whole again.

with Veer


                                                         WithTvisha 

Outside Disneyland, yes, in Patna 

En route to Patna with Nai Nai and B





Tuesday 13 June 2023

Guilt Trip

 My dearest Nyra, 

Today I travelled to mumbai for work, and you are with your dad in Gurgaon. While I come back tomorrow, the guilt of missing time with you is playing on my mind. It got worse when you started crying as I was packing. 

I hope by the time you grow up, it will be normal for mothers to be working
too. I sincerely believe that women are super achievers and they can do anything, rise up from any adversity. It is just as normal for a woman to have professional ambitions as for a man. Likewise, it should be normal for men to be homemakers if they want to. 

But I tell you, no matter how much we normalise working for women, the guilt of time spent away from our children will never dissipate for women. It’s in our DNA, in the way women are wired. At this moment I know you are well taken care of. You have your didi’s with you as well as your daddy; you are in a safe space. Maybe what we feel is really a deep yearning to feel/see our children around us, the comfort that it brings to us. Even if you and I are not doing anything together, just the knowledge that you are around me, makes me feel content. 

Quoting from Mumbai - a child gives birth to a mother. 

This trip will end tomorrow but the guilt trip never ends! 

Friday 9 June 2023

Turning 40

 Yeah this happened, this 7th April. 

Turning 40 hits you harder than you expect. Atleast so was in my case. I was kicked to turn 30, feeling super matured and wanting to leave my fumbling 20 something behind. Turning 40 depressed me 😪

It was like a blow to the gut, so many dreams still unaccomplished, still feeling unfulfilled, upset with my physical appearance, where to go from here blah blah! And if my own emotional hang ups at turning 40 were not enough, my husband decided that I should be celebrating this milestone with the whole of his family (all my inlaws) in Goa! 

From the girl who partied every weekend in my 20s, I became the woman who celebrated her 40th bday by cutting her cake in track pants in a swimming pool with all my in-laws around me.! I felt like I had been hijacked. The heart only wanted to celebrate this occasion with my sisters and brother,drinking, reminiscing and celebrating some of the wins - Nyra, Google etc. 

I miss my carefree younger self. Not that she was perfect- seeking validation always. But she was so sassy! I am sad that that side if my life got toned down.

A 40th bday wish- give me my confidence of today with the sassy-ness of my younger self- & of course in my body of 20 something. [even 30 something will do]. 

Jokes apart, this birthday has left me craving to fulfil some long cherished dreams. I am not one to be satisfied with professional success alone. The next phase of my life need to be explored.

I am not done yet, i have a long way to go….